but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
