Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
