shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She bit a glass in half.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
