Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
