Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
