I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
