Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
