Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
