Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
