No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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