he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
