i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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