Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
