nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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