Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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