just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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