are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
True college students do jello shots in the library
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