Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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