I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
