Define "chronic" masturbator.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This baby is an asshole
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
