are you still at the devil's house?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
