HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
