evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
