fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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