I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
