Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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