i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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