Got a toothbrush?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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