the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
