I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
should my penis look like a turkey
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
