There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
