Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
