awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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