Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
