You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize