based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
