i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
