Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
