I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
