friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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