yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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