She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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