..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
