At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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