i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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