DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
