My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
