I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
