the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
