Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
