There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
