I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
