Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my being single is dangerous.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
