For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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