I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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