Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
