Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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