I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
