i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
