tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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