operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
