Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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