yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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