I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
