I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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