I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you never un-have a 4some
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
