In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
