Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
