i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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